DON’T…
Don’t fail to have your money ready.
We’re waiting on you. Everyone else is waiting on us. Therefore, everyone is waiting on you. Remember this: Have you shit together.
Whistle
This is an absolute No-No. You whistle at dogs, not people.
Wave money
Oh, you’ve got a dollar!! I’ll be right over…. After serving everyone else.
Slam your glass on the bar
See above… I’ll be right with you…
Yell out the bartender’s first name
There’s something deeply psychologically disturbing about hearing your name called out, turning around & seeing a complete stranger.
Say “Make it strong” or “Put a lot of liquor in it!”
This is the BEST way to get a weak drink.
Assume you’re special
If you want “Rock Star” treatment, don’t tip like the janitor.
Give the ever-expanding drink order
You want a Yuengling. I go get it. I come back & now you want a Tooter’s Tea. Okay, no prob. I come back, & (oh yeah!) now you want a shot of Jager, too. You really could have told us this all at one. Get it together!
Try the confused thing
Don’t ask what beers we have. You did know you were in a bar, right? You didn’t just appear here, did you?
Order high maintenance shots
Example: “Lemme get an Alabama Slammer, a Jager Bomb, two kamikazes, a Buttery Nipple & a Lemon Drop.” Usually followed by a small tip. People, these shots are fine by themselves, but there are multiple steps involved with each one. Translation: Time Wasted.
Assume we know you. Period.
We don’t remember you. You are one of a thousand faces we look at each week. Don’t point at an empty glass or a backwards bottle and expect the right thing. Tell us what you want.
Apologize for sucking
Don’t apologize for not tipping. Acknowledging that you suck is not the same as not sucking. Don’t say “Oh, I’ll get you next time.” We know all about you.
Assume soft drinks are free
Are they free at McDonald’s??
Put pennies and nickels in the tip jar
We don’t’ want that crap in our pockets any more than you do. We don’t have anything smaller than quarters. Have you ever ordered a drink that cost $3.17?
Be the “Daddy Warbucks”
Dressed in classic day trader-ware, this loud, boisterous guy smokes cigars & orders Martinis and generally exudes an air of money. Until the tip. We hate you.
Be a “Whiney Baby”
Under no circumstances should you ever whine to a bartender or door person when asked to see your ID. If you “don’t have one” or “forgot it,” FORGET IT; you don’t belong out on the town in the first place. That’s the law, plain and simple. Bring your ID.
And, above all…
Do NOT make your nice bartender angry! RESPECT YOUR BARTENDERS!
