Frickity-frack….

• There are things going on in my world that I have no idea how to deal with right now. Not my doing, not that I can change it, but it wears on me.
• And frickity-frack, these things could change some of the things I’ve written about on this here blog in the past week. That makes me angry, sad and confused.
• Thankfully, there are only 18 days until I see Little C.
• 18 days until my heart and soul and brain will clear itself the second I am off of that airplane and hold her. I kid you not. The second I hold her, I know I will inhale, exhale and feel that all is right in my world. I will also try to forget everything that negative has happened in the past 30 days…
• Little C has that power on my life. She clears me of everything bad, negative, not so good and oops. It’s the BEST feeling in the world.
• My old friend, Mason Jennings is coming to town again. And he has a new album coming out next month. Check it out.

• You should, if you can, go and see him. If not because he’s an amazing musician now, but also because he helped make me who I am today. Just pray he plays some piano during his show, IMHO, that’s where he rocks. At least to me in my old self.

Motivated? No.

• I’m supposed to be packing for a camping weekend. I’m not. I have no desire to. I’m not sure why except that I’ve become super lazy as of late.
• I did pack a little bit. I know where my tent is. It’s in the midgie. The air matress and most of the clothes I’d need are in my camping pack already. Same with the crappy sleeping bag I have. I still need to find and maybe clean some blankets since the sleeping bag is a big fail. I have no idea where either pair of boots I take camping are. Not even a tiny clue of where I may have thought to store them.
• I have no idea what food I’m taking. I really don’t. The best I can tell you is CPG and I are going to try to re-create Uncle Crappy’s nifty grill idea that he used at the Bucco Game Tweet Up. My fire gloves will be packed, don’t worry. So at least I can reach in and grab at the grill or the camp fire without worry.
• I need to get my car inspected. The Midgie. However, a recent series of posts by Angry Scottish Man has me literally terrified to take her in. See, the Angry Scottish Man and I own the same vehicle. Although I’m quite sure he doesn’t call his “Midgie” and might kill me if I referred to his car as the “ASM’s Midgie.” (Only kidding ASM!) I know she needs tires. And new windshield wipers. If you follow me on Twitter, that’s no big surprise. But the rest of it? Terrifying. Also terrifying is actually finally calling and making the appointment. Man, I’m lazy lately.
• I have decided to reward myself on Friday for the “day” (inside joke? I think. We’ll see if y’all figure it out.) And drink the Southern Tier Mokah that was brought back from NY for me by Uncle & Mrs. Crappy. Probably the second the car is in park. Hey. It’s my “day.” I’ll do with it as I choose. I might share a sip or two with two certain people, but otherwise, it’s a gift to myself, as it is the only beer I like right now. And since I can’t find the darn stuff anywhere… I intend to savor this bottle o’ beer for my “day”. (Who’s proud of me out there? I know, your little ‘I don’t like beer’ girl is growing up!)
• Otherwise, it’s going to be my standard. Rum & Coke. And maybe American Honey too, if we can find it in the liquor stores around here. Seems to be sold out.
• Ugh. I’m done. Wacked out random issues this week have me fed up and refusing to deal with anything. I probably won’t post tomorrow night, but stranger things have happened. I hope y’all have a great weekend.
• Yinz Team Softball has been moved to Sunday this week. I. Am. So. Excited. I was kinda bummed I’d miss it for camping!! Yay!!!
• Stop back on Sunday and leave a comment on the post for Lili that I’m working on. It’s her birthday on Sunday and she’s fantabulous. And cute as a button.

• And I’m sorry. I still can’t get this song, or this show, out of my head. Sept. 9th folks. Me and all the other dorks will be watching. (For the love, I’m such a music dork.)

(hate those random boxes that pop up on there, but what can I do…) Enjoy. That’s an order.

13 Days, Summer Rugby, and some other stuff…

1. Little C

• At this time in two weeks, I will have met and stared at my Little C for 3-4 hours.
• This, and other things, makes me giddy. Yes, giddy. It’s about time I had my turn “staring” at Little C while she is awake, asleep, whatever.
• But what also makes me excited is seeing C & D again and taking care of them. I love them soooo much. I have a feeling I’ll get a superb welcome from each of them.
• I would NOT be surprised if I’m kept up all night by a needy C who wants to be petted and loooved.
• Reminder to myself: you should stop by PetSmart on the way to the Airport…
• Apparently I’ll be seeing my mom when I visit my sister & Little C. I won’t go into why, but unfortunately my dad can’t come. I freaking miss my dad. I haven’t seen him since Christmas.
• And on top of that, a very important anniversary is coming up next Thursday, and it’d be really nice to see my dad.

2. 7s RUGBY!!

• Thursday night one of my favorite things about rugby starts… Summer touch rugby. I can’t wait! Summer touch is what makes me want to play competitive league matches in the fall. We play men & women together in the summer… And honestly, some of the guys (esp. new ones & college ones) don’t really expect us women to know what we’re doing. So we have to work for it… And I just love proving them wrong. Especially as I’m getting older. (I’m sorry, but a 33yr old lazy not-very-in-shape woman shouldn’t really be able to outrun a college kid… Just sayin.)
• Summer touch practices happen RAIN OR SHINE. Honestly, I love the ones when it rains. There’s usually 1/4 to 1/3 of who are normally there, if that. And gawd is it fun. Hook slide, anyone?
• Summer also means 7s tournaments. 7 people per team, 7 minutes per half, all on a “regular-sized” rugby field. OMG it’s rough… But it’s so much fun. 7s is where I play prop and hooker. Or sometimes scrum half. Or fly half. Or center. There’s only 7 of us out there, after all… We’re going to Morgantown on June 20th. Last year I was asked to play on a team that had played together for the previous three years and WON. And guess what? We won again!

3. My dumb apartment building

• I came home tonight to find a small issue with the front screen door to my building. It was broken. It’s a lever handle, and the “lever” had broken off right at the point where the rest of the handle connects to the door – right where I’ve drawn that red line below. Opening the door was fun.

• And then I noticed the “rest” of the lever just sitting there on the ground. Which means some jerk-off in my building, broke the handle, left the rest on the ground and just came on inside and went about his business.
• Being “me,” I went to my apartment, grabbed some super glue and fixed the door temporarily. I put up a sign to be careful with it and called the landlord. I live in a crazy building with crazy people. There’s only one person in the building that I consider even close to normal. Yes, it’s fun.
• And what I fixed is already broken. Again.

4. Other random thoughts…

• I’ve been catching up on the sewing I need to do for the Little C Etsy shop. Or trying to…
• I’ve finally had to give up on that “big” job I had that would be on-going. Turns out my sewing machine just can’t handle it. The job is more meant for an industrial machine, and mine certainly isn’t.

5. Back to Little C (cause that’s what I’m all about right now)

• WHO in their right mind, would NOT want to see these:
• Small, but gigantic tiny hands… Look at those tendons showing on her middle and ring finger!!! I found someone to give my HUGE mittens and gloves to, I think…

• And these feet… Thank god I’ll be there to make her feel better when someone tells her she has “boats” for shoes… (yes, someone told me that as a child…)

• My poor sister is going to have a child taller than her perhaps when Little C is three. I’m not kidding. She’s on her way up, people. And I can’t wait to see it.
• I have a plan – we’re going to do a hand and foot comparison between me & Little C each time I see her. She might outgrow even me!

• But no matter what, I’m pretty sure I’m totally terrified I’ll fall in love with her more than I am right now, and I’ll never want to return to the ‘Burgh.
• That last bullet? Is a totally reality folks. I might never want to leave Florida after this trip. I already miss my parents, my sister, D, C and even NE… add my Little C in there? How am I going to come home? How???????? I’m not kidding. Someone tell me how I can be okay with all of this…. I can’t even write about it without tearing up…

Who, Me?

I received an email from Calipanthergrl today with a link to the above picture. In the email she told me that for “some reason” it reminded her of me…

Gee, I just don’t even know what she’s talking about… at all…

Rough waters ahead…

Tonight was ugly. Really. My quilt? It nearly died on me!!! And I pulled my left quad and it’s killing me. And I didn’t get everything done… But I got enough done to be ready somewhat for tomorrow.

I think. I don’t know. My brain is a mish-mash of emotions, thoughts and ideas right now… What should I call this new sewing shop thingy I want to do?? Can I play tomorrow? No idea. I’d rather play and gimp around the bar than not play. Plus, I have “spectators” coming! We never have fans besides a few regular people… These are new…

And then there is the “My Living Room” issue. Honestly, calling it My Living Room right now is so hard.

I got a text tonight from the person I work w/ tomorrow. He asked that I not screw him over. Obviously this a-hole just met me and has no idea of my love for My Living Room. And obviously he had no idea that I asked Viking to have someone on hand to take over for me when I decide I’m done…. Texts back and forth, and FINALLY, D – the co-worker – got it. But still, give me all your money in “MY” tip jar… because that pissed me off.. I might have a temper, I might be cranky, but for the love of God, I’ve done everything I could for this place. And now I’m out… And I swear, I will try not to cry before midnight, but I can’t guarantee it. Midnight is my self-imposed deadline to be done, drunk and if necessary allowed to cry time…. it’s the best I can do people.

Right now I can’t imagine walking in there to work. So there you go…

I can guarantee some fun stuff, some costume-type wardrobe changes, other random stuff… I have no idea what is planned… But I promise that I will try to be happy the whole damn time I work. I promise you that. I WILL TRY TO BE HAPPY WHILE I WORK… I promise my best 6 hours of bartending ever. (6pm -12am, duh)

To everyone who shows up – thank you. From the bottom of my heart and with everything I have to give… For most of you, you have seen past my bullshit walls and gotten to know the ‘real’ and ‘true’ me and your comments, interactions and conversations this week and last have meant more than I can ever explain.

I am so HAPPY i took a chance and threw myself out here on this blog. Because it’s allowed me to be the real me. To write about my feelings, annoyances, anger and also the great, wonderful things that I go through every day. It has allowed me to share this with people I trust, and then with others I was wary about. It allowed some people who already knew me to find the real me. And I think this has made a great difference in my life.

Tomorrow will be tough… no rugby in almost 5 months, I’m out of shape, I have a bum quad, I have a rough night ahead tomorrow… But you know what? I know my good, true friends are there for me for all of it. And I can’t even begin to explain the smile on my face. Thank you.

Thank you so much. All of you. If you know what I’m like behind that ‘wall’ or think I’m not quite as ‘angry’ as everyone says, I thank you. And I hope to see you Saturday night.

Is this week over yet?

I posted this and then I had to edit it. Not much of it, but really, I realized it’s been a while since I posted any music…. and I didn’t really have much of an idea of what to post. Many links I saved are now not available (dumb). But this one… if I ever hear this on the radio or my IPod, I might cry. When it was released, I immediately thought of My Living Room…

I know many of you hate this music, but for now, please just allow me this…

If you had asked me last week to tell you what the worst thing that could happen this week would be, I would have probably said it would be a repeat of last year. Hardly anyone showed up to help finish up the fields on Friday – I was there, alone, at 10am, for like 2 hours. Freezing on the windy, cold, barren camping ground… Then we find that half of our goalposts are trashed… A bunch of people were at the site till after dark, the rest of us running around the Burgh buying things to make things right at 7am the next day… Yeah, that was fun. However, the tourney ran the best it ever has and we were out of there by 7 or 8pm.

Never, did I think that my job at My Living Room would be gone right now, that I’d be dealing with THAT on top of my tournament… That I’d still (update: 11:53pm) be waiting on a call from Viking to talk to me about the situation. NEVER EVER did I think that on top of my tourney, I’d be trying to figure out how I can turn my apparent pretty good sewing skills into some way to make enough money each week/month to make it paycheck to paycheck. NEVER. NEVER EVER.

I worked there for nearly 7 entire years (no, not 8. I realized it the other day. My first year in my club and at the bar were in 2002,) which apparently right now means NOTHING. Did I think I earned my shift? HELL YES. I started there working Sunday nights. ALONE. And they sucked. Sorry that I can’t work weekdays, but I’ve always given up 50-100% of my weekends to work at or maintain that damn place… I can’t even keep writing about it because I’m so mad, hurt, upset and violent that it just will not end well for me or a few others I may encounter… But really, that was the LAST thing I ever expected…

But it figures… This year, I have a ton of people signed up to help Thursday and Friday. Good people I think I can depend on. And the dependable people who CAN’T make it Thursday or Friday? They proved that I can count on them and have each individually emailed me to say they’ll do whatever I need on Saturday. Because I know them and depend on them, I already knew this.

BG has already figured out our goalpost issue. And little pregnant miss KRL has agreed to print the items I need printed on Friday… (I’m hoping this means she won’t try to chase me around w/ her pregnant belly… please? You actually can’t cause then you won’t get the fantabulous things I’m making for Baby Love!)

But what is killing me right now is that every year, no matter what time we get out of the site, most, if not all of us head to My Living Room. Last year I ran a raffle at the site for those who helped clean up and then again at My Living Room. What am I going to do this year??? I can’t even imagine walking into that place right now without feeling so uncomfortable and unwelcome… I don’t WANT to go there… Just thinking about it makes me want to cry my face off or physically harm someone. But I loved hanging out with everyone last year… loved it. It was a good time. One of the few times I actually enjoy being on the patron side of the bar….

Right now, I am planning to hand off the second raffle thing to someone else and just come home. Yay.

I can haz free move to Florida nowz? Plz?

Good thing blogging is free…

You all know I work at My Living Room and have done so for the better part of nearly 8 years. I work there because I don’t live paycheck to paycheck from my “real” job – I live paycheck to tips to paycheck to make ends meet. I NEED that job.

And then today I get a phone call. From Asshat of all people. I call him back and long story short, I have ONE shift left and then I’m basically fired. Apparently my shitty Saturday shift is “great.” And there are others there who deserve my shift. Excuse me? I’ve worked there for nearly 8 years. I’ve been treated like crap, never given a raise, dealt with all of Asshat’s issues that the management doesn’t know about… and they do this to me???

Well guess what? Shit’s hitting the fans kids. Not only am I making all hell break loose in my own way (more on that in a week or two or three), but my last night will be a rugby, social media and Living Room train-wreck-crazy-ass-drunken-dowhatyouwant-circus. You want to throw me away? Go right ahead. I’ll make you regret it. Because I intend to have NOTHING to do with that place after that night.That Mug Club? Whoever takes it over? Good luck figuring that shit out. It’s a damn mess. But not my problem anymore.

I’ve said it before, I was so welcomed by the Yinz Team and everyone I’ve met online and in person through social media things. And I’ve taken them to My Living Room and made sure they felt welcome so that they would come back again and again. And many of them have. Even when I haven’t been there! Many of the Yinz Teamers have also welcomed my rugby teammates that they have met. With open arms and minds. LOVE IT!! And tonight when I sent a rant to Twitter, I immediately received a few replies and a few DM’s… I explained what happened and the response? Overwhelming that my friends would all be there for my last night. And also that some of them wouldn’t go there if I wasn’t there.

I’m incredibly sad about the thought of not working there. So much so that I’m shocked… Partially because of the money issue. I don’t know what I’ll do, but I’ve had some good ideas and opportunities sent to me. And I’ll be honest, it’s one less thing that ties me to the Burgh and used to make me not up & move to Florida… But it’s more so because this new group of people that I convinced My Living Room was OK really ended up LIKING being there…

Most of the “regulars’ at the bar disappear during rugby season. But you know what? I know a few of the Yinz Teamsers were there last weekend while 99% of the women’s team and some of the men’s team was there. Whoo boy… But they were FINE. Regulars? They leave. Yinz Teamers? They stick with it.

I really, really thank my Tweet friends and Yinz Team friends for their messages and support tonight. I didn’t need this right now… I have a huge tournament to run on Saturday. Not that Asshat cares….

You know what really sucks? Sending out this to Twitter, Plurk and my rugby Yahoo groups: Last Shift at My Living Room: Sat April 4th. BE THERE. HANG FROM THE CEILING. I WON’T CARE,  but NO fights. JUST BE THERE AND HAVE FUN.

Tears.

Another thanks to my sister & NE

Oh geez. Last year at this time I was floating through, randomly planning my big tournament… Things just “happen” sometimes for this tourney, because people have done it forever, or they are well trained. Either way, I love it. But right now, there are a few people who are freaking out because I won’t be here this weekend. In all honesty, I’ve never, ever participated in the weekend before – where they take all the equipment up to the tourney. Never, ever. I just make it happen, and make sure next week happens. That’s my job.

I take care of things, then I take a few weeks off once we have all of the teams scheduled. Then the week of I start to tell people to take vacation days… and usually no one shows up. It’s fun. really. But then on maybe, oh, Thursday, I freak out. Friday night is usually bad, but, come on, this club after last year? They are well trained. They KNOW what to do…. Last year? I didn’t even have to ask a men’s player to take a trash bag and wander around!!! It really was amazing. I actually just stood around and watched over things. Just like I “should” be doing!!!

So everyone – if you read this – just chill out kids… It will never be as bad as it was a few years ago, when a certain non-American someone dropped out of running the tourney. I promise you. This is one of my “kids” if you will, and it will never, ever fail.

We have some good, hard-working new people on this club, and I have faith that this tourney will be fine. Good, actually.

And Lili and NE – each and every person no that club should be thanking you so that I can be there next weekend. Because I’m not sure it would be pretty if I wasn’t!

I’m done…

…sewing. Officially. Really. It’s all done. And now I have to wash and dry it all at a laundromat (you do NOT expect me to trust my basement washer for this, do you?) and then ship it to Florida… I’m so excited for next week. Oh! Crap! Yay! I have to find doggy and cat treats too! The Aunt cannot show up empty handed, can she??!!!

Meanwhile, I have some minor health issues that have been killing me… and causing me to miss work. Little Devil Heartburn has returned to wreck my life as I know it…. Oh, and the worst heartburn I ever had? It is now! The night of the Three River Stadium implosion…. I had zero intentions to watch. But heartburn won over that morning. I watched the whole thing. Sitting upright in an armchair.

I then went on prescription meds. And as soon as things were even keel, I quit. And since then I’ve managed, with a few ecxeptions, to control my heartburn. Want to get a pizza with me? Please, please, please ask for “light sauce” so I don’t die… I avoid garlic. I avoid all food that I think might kill me…

Do you know I love Lemonade? I Love it. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. But I can never drink it. Ever. It will, no kidding, send me into heartburn tailspin like no other food or drink. It’s so delicious, but also the Devil.

And my heartburn? May pop up during rugby or activity, but almost always at night. When I lay down. Oooh, that’s the worst part… but it’s SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad…

After 10+ years or so, I sort of have a handle on what I can and can’t eat. What I can and can’t drink. So imagine my surprise two weeks ago I not only had DAYTIME heartburn, but also night-time. And the issues I won’t talk about. And some other stuff – like burping with heartburn? Huh? what? That’s never happened….

I went to the doctor’s today. And I have to have an ultrasound on my gallbladder, since the daytime symptoms are apparently not “normal.” And they think this may be related to my issues late last year, when I ended up in the hospital for dehydration… what are the chances that the Evil Boss Lady realizes I might have some real reason to have missed work? Zero? What are the chances that she’ll be okay if I have to miss work for this test? Zero?

All she’s going to do tomorrow is ask for a “note” from my doctor excusing me from work the days that I’ve missed. Excuse me?  If she sniffles and says that she isn’t feeling well, but looks a-o-kay, and her boss says “oh geez, if you don’t feel well, you should go home…” If it’s someone who reports to my boss? She says, “Hey, push through it.” Meanwhile, my co-worker’s two year old has a dislocated elbow, or I’m puking up stomach acid… The co-worker, who obviously has to leave gets the evil eye…. And me? I’m looked at with unbelieving eyes. You know what, I want everyone who is in a “management” position to not only have a child, because I see how my boss treats my co-worker, but I also want you, if you have not yet, to wake up thinking that your throat is currently engulfed in flames. Seriously, like “IS.THERE.ANYTHING.I.CAN.DO.TO.MAKE.THIS.GO.AWAY.” And then proceed to throw up leaving you feeling not only in more pain than before, but also exhausted. And when that heartburn proceeds to the “GERD” thing? Yeah, it’s fun. Believe me. It’s so much fun that missing work is a NOT a vacation.

Yeah, and the doctor did ask if work stress was an issue, and you know what? My boss is that stress. Effing evil boss lady. Thanks for eroding my esophagus…..Great job being a good, caring boss. God help you when I leave this job. I won’t expect a good reference from you because I’m going to be HONEST in my exit interview. About EVERYTHING.

Oh, St. Patrick’s Day…

… how I hate you. Mostly based on my mother’s reaction to it. I just remember her saying that I was more Irish than the people who think the are “Irish” were. And for the most part, she’s 99% correct. See, my mother’s family is Irish. Not a family who arrived here oh, so long ago, and raised their family here like most “Irish” people on St. Patrick’s Day. But really Irish. As in my Nana and Granda were born there. As were my two uncles and my aunt. Shortly before my mother was born, the family picked up and moved to Glasgow, Scotland. So in reality, I am a first generation Scotch-Irish (more on the Irish) and French-Canadian (more on the Canadian) American.

And everyone who thinks they are Irish because some family member came here oh-so-many years ago, I am more Irish than you are. Believe me. How do I know? Because I despise the way people react to this one day a year.Saying you are Irish, does not mean you should or can drink as much as you weigh.

For the past 7 years, this coming Saturday will be the 8th straight, I have worked the daylight shift at My Living Room on St. Patrick’s Day Saturday. The day of the parade. We’re not busy for a while. But all of a sudden, the you-know-what hits the fan. It gets so bad that my shift, the 11am – ? shift, which usually ends around 6 or 7 pm, ends at oh, somewhere between 8 & 10pm. And we’re so busy that we can’t even reconcile a cash register drawer. We’re lucky to get out with our tips in hand and hope our drawer ends up straight.

I can’t tell you how many people come in and ask, “Are you Irish?” No, I’m not. Those green eyes and super-duper pale skin are just for FUN. And the sunburns in the summer? Also for fun. I may not be a redhead, but good lord, did I get all the Irish my mom had to pass along. My sister? Not so much.She got more of my dad when it comes to it. (However, I’m sure if the two of us were ever seen on St. Patrick’s Day by a bunch of drunkards, they’d think they stumbled into Irish heaven. Just sayin’)

Knowing my job, and how to make money at it when I need or have to… or on days like this, when it rolls in… I dress the part. So I’ll probably get a haircut Friday night, to tame my curls a bit. (And cause Florida does NOTHING for my hair. Ever.) And I’ll wear green. And if you can’t see those Irish Eyes at that point, well, you’re too drunk to wait on.

Good luck next Saturday y’all. I hope we all make it through in one piece. And of course, all of my friends are welcome to stop in and say hi. Just be sober enough to not make the nice Claire angry. Cause after this weekend, there’s no way I’m showing up at My Living Room NOT angry.

Again, Good Luck, y’all.

I only added that song for those of us who missed the show last week. And for “my” Danny, with whom I intend to share this blog with tonight. Yes, my rugby friends, I’m sharing it with him. After I saw his response to my email today about my blood issues, I think I gained a new-found respect for him supporting the bar. Love it. Thank you, Danny.