Music is My Muse -3…

22 11 2008

OK. I lied. I’m totally telling a different story. But it involves music. I swear…

And excuse me while I bear my entire soul for one person to understand, maybe, why I am so broken, yet so okay. I’m trying here, really for the first time EVER… Not sure I will be successful.

So when I was in high school, I went to this summer camp. Quebecois learning English. English kids learning French. Long story done short, it was amazing. I met some amazing people. Unfortunately, certain people I met there, helped to make me who I am. But the experiences are impossible to re-create and they have made some great memories.

My first year there I met another English kid and we hit it off. First sight. He (we’ll call him Peace) and I were great friends. Together and with others, we climbed many mountains. Literally. He introduced me to so many things. Among them, poutine (ask, I’ll tell. It’s wonderful.), the Guess Who, and many other ideas than I had ever had in my life.

We kept in touch throughout the year – via mail – it was SO LONG AGO, no email. So we kept going back, for two more years. And that third year… Something strange was going on. And I apparently found out when I went to Toronto for Thanksgiving. He and the friend made a comment about a drug that no one should be doing… ever. A drug that was an up-and-comer, and not so mainstream. And they were serious. Not even kidding or trying to get a reaction.

And I didn’t hear from him again. And I think it was one of the best and worst things that ever happened to me.

I have great memories. And mementos. But, I am so un-trusting of others and afraid of things ever since. I had dreams, and nightmares about it, for a long time. I still did until a few years ago. The one person I ever showed my true self to, ended up making my life a disaster of drug-death dreams.

I’ve figured out that I cannot explain this person’s impact on my life. But I am trying now. It was more than anyone else besides the people I’m related to.

I want to move past this. But everyone I think can help me? I screw it up. I want to tell you I’m sorry and it’s only because I’m again afraid to lose the person I share with. I’m sorry, and if you knew how many times I had those nightmares and dreams and was terrified, you’d totally understand. I leave you with my favorite memory of “Peace”… the favorite thing he introduced me to. I know all the lyrics. To heart. To this day.

Miss you JP. And my Buster. No kidding.

That’s all I got. Cause the memories & current situation have me miserable. Whoohoo. Sharing. How great… sux.





One response

25 11 2008
See ya later. « Rants of an Annoyed Angel

[…] you read the post on JP… the last time I saw him there was an event that, afterward made me freak the heck out when I […]

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