Rejected?

28 01 2009

Although I’m basically brand new to the social media & blogging world, I’ve been on Facebook for a while and MySpace even longer.

sixdegrees1

When I first signed up for MySpace I had a little moment of panic where I worried that people from my high school or other times would find me and request to be my friend. People who I don’t talk to anymore, and have no desire to talk to now. What would I do? Do I want them to know & see what I’m up to on a daily or weekly basis? Could I bring myself to reject their friend request? Would I feel guilty if I rejected them?

Fast forward a couple of years and now I’m all over the interwebz. The blog, Twitter, Plurk, Facebook, Flickr, and a whole list of other places. I’m generally pretty locked-down on most sites. Until recently you couldn’t even find me on Facebook if you tried. It’s partially because of the reason above, but mostly it’s because I don’t want to be bothered. Yes, I know it doesn’t really make sense. I just kinda like to be left alone. But being on these sites has led me to make some really great friendships and meet some very kind people (more on this coming later in the week).

But it’s finally happened. The people from my past have found me and I’m starting to freak out. It started with what I’ll just call absolute proof that Pittsburgh really is the largest small town on the planet.  I was okay with it, though, and accepted the request. Then came another request from someone in a totally different group of “old friends.” Crap. It’s been getting worse every day. New requests. A few times a day, even!! People I didn’t really even talk to back whenever… People that I don’t really care knowing what I do in my life on Facebook…

rejected

Can I really bring myself to reject these requests? Should I? I really don’t know what to do here… and to be honest, it’s making me a little cranky.

What would you do?

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6 responses

28 01 2009
Brother Anthony

There’s no shame in rejecting or ignoring friend requests in any network. It’s your network, tailor your contacts to what’s most useful to you. Otherwise, why be there?

Alternatively you can accept all the requests and lump the undesirables in subgroups with no privileges to see any of your stuff, and ignore everything else they send you. (Or, more passive-aggressively, accept their request, but quietly drop them two weeks later.)

By the way, it’s a crazy coincidence that you mention this. I’ve been considering how to most ceremoniously un-friend you on Facebook, etc. Happy Networking!

28 01 2009
annoyedangelrants

Un-friend me? 😦 *tear*

I wasn’t aware that you could subgroup etc. I’m definitely looking into that this evening. Thanks for the info & the comment.

Now go un-friend me where ever you choose.

28 01 2009
Michael

On Facebook, it’s called “Friend Lists” – you can make a list and then assign those you want to hide parts of your profile from to that list (there might already be one called “Limited Profile”). Then in Privacy Settings, choose customize from the list next to the info you want to hide and type in the name of the list. Those people should no longer be able to see that info…and you can check by looking at the “See how a friend sees your profile” on the Privacy page.

I’ve got a number of lists, so I can categorize my friends – things like Pittsburgh, Indy, Social Mediae, etc. Helps with finding people to see what they are up to, as I’ve got over 500 “friends.”

28 01 2009
annoyedangelrants

500 friends? Wow. Thanks for the info. Anthony got me started earlier, and I got as far as creating a Limited Profile list, but wasn’t sure what to do after that. Your info definitely helps! Time to make more lists!!

29 01 2009
Katy

i made myself unsearchable. nobody who isn’t my friend already can search for me. i mainly did this because of students, but now i rather like it. the only way people know i exist is if they see me comment on someone else’s wall. but then when they go to search for me or request me, nothing happens! i have to request THEM! all i get are suggestions like “do you know this person who also was at penn state with the 40,000 people at penn state with you?”

just set all your privacy settings to the highest level.

29 01 2009
Dawn

I had a very simmilar situation, actually. There are some people from my past that I have no desire to ever see or hear from again, and I was concerned that this very issue would arrise. It did, eventually.

You can accept someone as a friend and connection but never once talk to them via any given network. So why accept them? Networks are magical things. I would never have found a friend of mine from kindergarden if I hadn’t accepted a friendship from someone who I can only remember having three total conversations over our entire high school careers. You’re also connecting to those people’s connections.

If you’re a strategist, this can be a major advantage in terms of what information gets to specific people and how fast. You can also find those strange connections that continue to make Pittsburgh the smallest city on the planet…

That being said, If I know a person, no matter how distantly, I tend to accept them and based on their closeness, I set the permissions that way.

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