Rough waters ahead…

4 04 2009

Tonight was ugly. Really. My quilt? It nearly died on me!!! And I pulled my left quad and it’s killing me. And I didn’t get everything done… But I got enough done to be ready somewhat for tomorrow.

I think. I don’t know. My brain is a mish-mash of emotions, thoughts and ideas right now… What should I call this new sewing shop thingy I want to do?? Can I play tomorrow? No idea. I’d rather play and gimp around the bar than not play. Plus, I have “spectators” coming! We never have fans besides a few regular people… These are new…

And then there is the “My Living Room” issue. Honestly, calling it My Living Room right now is so hard.

I got a text tonight from the person I work w/ tomorrow. He asked that I not screw him over. Obviously this a-hole just met me and has no idea of my love for My Living Room. And obviously he had no idea that I asked Viking to have someone on hand to take over for me when I decide I’m done…. Texts back and forth, and FINALLY, D – the co-worker – got it. But still, give me all your money in “MY” tip jar… because that pissed me off.. I might have a temper, I might be cranky, but for the love of God, I’ve done everything I could for this place. And now I’m out… And I swear, I will try not to cry before midnight, but I can’t guarantee it. Midnight is my self-imposed deadline to be done, drunk and if necessary allowed to cry time…. it’s the best I can do people.

Right now I can’t imagine walking in there to work. So there you go…

I can guarantee some fun stuff, some costume-type wardrobe changes, other random stuff… I have no idea what is planned… But I promise that I will try to be happy the whole damn time I work. I promise you that. I WILL TRY TO BE HAPPY WHILE I WORK… I promise my best 6 hours of bartending ever. (6pm -12am, duh)

To everyone who shows up – thank you. From the bottom of my heart and with everything I have to give… For most of you, you have seen past my bullshit walls and gotten to know the ‘real’ and ‘true’ me and your comments, interactions and conversations this week and last have meant more than I can ever explain.

I am so HAPPY i took a chance and threw myself out here on this blog. Because it’s allowed me to be the real me. To write about my feelings, annoyances, anger and also the great, wonderful things that I go through every day. It has allowed me to share this with people I trust, and then with others I was wary about. It allowed some people who already knew me to find the real me. And I think this has made a great difference in my life.

Tomorrow will be tough… no rugby in almost 5 months, I’m out of shape, I have a bum quad, I have a rough night ahead tomorrow… But you know what? I know my good, true friends are there for me for all of it. And I can’t even begin to explain the smile on my face. Thank you.

Thank you so much. All of you. If you know what I’m like behind that ‘wall’ or think I’m not quite as ‘angry’ as everyone says, I thank you. And I hope to see you Saturday night.

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