Stink bugs?

25 09 2010

As if you didn’t know already, but Pittsburgh apparently has been invaded my approximately ellebentybillion stink bugs. They apparently are everywhere.

And they are stupid, dumb and have no brain (this is not a scientific thought, just my observations. We’ll get there.) However, this story is from BEFORE we all here in the ‘Burgh knew they were just an annoying presence, and NOT something that would kill you, and all zombie-like, eat you brain.

And, no, I will not give you a picture of one of those nasty bugs. Google them and figure it out on your own. I’m not even sure they’re mommies love them, they’re so ugly and dumb.

At the time of these little stories below, I had no idea they were, in fact, “stink bugs” – I swear to god I worried about my abilities to clean my apartment….

Months ago. Many, many months ago, I was working on a baby quilt. I was working on the binding on said quilt, and I went to my sewing table to grab said quilt and I saw a bug. A big, ugly bug. Just chillin’ on my table. Far enough away from the quilt, but way too dang close for me. And the quilt.

I freaked, started screaming and shaking. Grabbed my cutting mat big-ass ruler and managed to flush said bug down the toilet.

Barf. Eventually, I stopped shaking.

Three or so weeks later. Maybe early summer. I hear this buzz. Buzz. Buzz.

What the heck? I’m just sitting here, with my netbook watching TV… What’s all this buzz about?

I look over my right shoulder to the wall behind me and see a freaking bug hanging out precious inches away from one of my favorite Kandinsky calendar pictures I have on my wall above the couch.

And no, you are not welcome, bug or human, to come near my favorite Kandinsky things. So I went after it with a newspaper, smacked it, and it fell into my lamp. I have yet to clean out the lamp. I was terrified. I didn’t know what it was….

Then a few weeks later.  Watching TV, imagine that. And I hear AND see a bug above my TV on the wall. Now, I’m convinced I have a terribly maintained apartment, and near tears.

But then the bug walks along the wall. And she/he tries to fly, fails, falls over into a freaking teacup from MY GrandPa I have on my mantle, minutes later it climbs out and walks on the wall again. (See again, these bugs terrified me and I was not going to investigate. See also, I probably need a manly-man boyfriend or something to deal with these things.)

This time, I’m all like, I’m going to kill you, bug, and you and your two friends will regret the day you came into the angry lady’s house… So I grab him with a paper towel and flush him…

*wipes hands in success*

No more ugly bugs for me.

And then a few weeks later, I’m at the pool with Shellrenee and Burghseyewife and various kiddos. And I see this thing on the lane marker. Same dang bug. I mention it to Shellrenee, and she’s like, “It’s just a stink bug, ignore it.”

Okay then…

But lately, it seems these bugs have invaded the ‘Burgh. And I’m all like “just ignore them!” (Granted, thus far, my apartment is free of said bugs, so I’m calm, and not shaking like a leaf.)

Until this evening, while babysitting. Oh, crap.

The soon-to-be 3yo said, “Um, there’s a bug.” And pointed to the blinds. While I’m holding a 4 month old. A 4 month old who would not stop crying and would not be his normal happy self. I see the bug and I instantly tell her it’s all good, it can’t hurt you. It’s just hanging out. And I suggest she comes to sit on the couch with me and her brother.

The dad stops home, sees the bug, and tries to eradicate it from the house. Fail.

I’ve never seen a bug move so fast away from a very large dude, who reached the bug, at approximately 8 feet from the floor. That bug said “Oh, heck no. That angry lady is here, and I’m going to torment her all. night. long.”

We then discuss ways I’ve heard of to remove said bugs.

Dad and friends left.

And guess what? I got the 3yo to go to bed. Success. I got the 4 month old to go to bed – after hours of wailing. Long-time coming success.

I sit down. All I hear is buzz. Buzz. Buzz… I look to the corner lamp. Sucker is hanging out. He tries to fly, he fails. He head-butts himself into the wall, eight times, ,lands on the floor. Dead bug, right? Job done, right? NO. That stupid bug was still there, buzzing about when mom came home to relieve me of my duties.

And mom? That lady? She somehow caught him, in her HAND, yo! And walked me out and threw that sucker as far as she could.

Serves you right, bug. Don’t mess with my Angels. (In case you didn’t make the connection, I was babysitting for a rugby family this evening.)

Those bugs should never mess with ruggers. We’ll tackle you, obviously.

Go away, bugs. Also, glad to know my apartment isn’t the gross place I once thought it was. Whew.

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3 responses

25 09 2010
ErinPatricia

my brother has a some in his new house. Elise and Lydia have a special plastic cup called the (duh) StinkBugCup that they use (actually, that Aunt Erin uses) to catch them and release them outside.

I hate those buggers, they are all over work.

25 09 2010
annoyedangelrants

I had NO IDEA what they were till @Shellrenee told me! Now I know! But good gravy, are they a pain in the a**. Crickets, lady bugs, and now “stink bugs.” We should get paid for living with them.

25 09 2010
doogle

I removed 17 from my office this week. Actually 17 from the lobby outside my door. When i left on Thrusday there were still 7 more on the doors. Worst part is that our student workers scream every time one appears. drives me nuts. Get a vac cleaner, call it the Stink Bug Catcher 3000 and sell it for millions

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