Nerves.

27 09 2010

I like to think that when certain situations come up, I have nerves of steel. I am pretty sure I do. I’ve never freaked out before a rugby match. Never, ever. Many of my teammates have. What do I know?

I have things that will set me off… I’ll cry at the drop of a hat. Immediately. But I also know I’m better than that, and I’m a woman, so I deal with it. I used to have a short fuse to get angry… not so much anymore. Really. But I’ll banter with you and try to make you see where I am.

But because of  my friends, The GrandPa and The Nana and Lili, and more recently, My Little C…. my fuse went from 1 inch to about 50,000 feet. I’m super happy, and love it. Because of those people? I know I can do anything that comes into my path… I will meet it, greet it, and do it.

Yet, I’m nervous for this shift at My Living Room this weekend… I worked there for 7 years. SEVEN YEARS, you guys…

I hung the pictures on the walls. I fixed stuff there. Why am I nervous? Heck, my face, legs and body are on the walls of My Living Room.

I feel like it is – and it is – the place I’ve worked forever. I remember the first night I worked there, like it was yesterday, and I remember the first time I stopped working at My Living Room, many years ago, because I went and played rugby and basically broke my knee… And then going back. It was like I had never left. This time, it’s different.

I feel like this time I left? I forgot everything a bartender needs to know. The second I walked out the door, I deleted it all.

Can I still pour a perfect draft? I don’t know… Do I remember how to make a Pineapple Upside Down Cake shot? (no!) And do they still have my little box of drinks available for me to cheat? (probably not.)

Do I need to do research on the new, crazy shots someone is going to ask me for?

What do I wear? I know there’s a new dress code. I’ve heard about it, and the new rules (which I’m not fully aware of) many times. The new dress code is different, and takes away all of the “gifts” I have which made my job back then easier. I don’t hate the new “code” but it’s strange for me.

Can I do this? I’m old now. I feel older. I didn’t feel my age back then. But I do now. Maybe it’s the non-rugby player talking, I don’t know.

Above all, the one thing that my friends, and being jobless and looking for work has given me, is a new sense of happy. I have no idea where this came from. I may not have a job, I may hate being in my apartment 24/7. But good grief, I’ve been very pleasant lately. Willing to dress up, go out, be around friends. I love it. Truly, I love it. Even to just hang out, and see my friends… Especially as a DD lately… Means I’m not drinking and driving a friend, or friends around. I like that.

And I love more than anything that I’m happy. I love the pleasant, happy me. I LOVE IT.

Can I walk in there, go behind the bar, and not let every memory that made me the angry bartender come back? Can I still be the pleasant person I have become?

I certainly hope so. Because I love this opportunity, to be a new ME behind the bar. Am I worried and scared? You bet your ass I am. (there’s a rugby song in there… who gets it?)

But I’m incredibly happy to get behind the bar again at My Living Room.

I’m back, and definitely a kinder, gentler soul. I promise to be pleasant. And relish every second back behind the bar.

Please try to come and see me there. I’d totally appreciate it. And it will, in fact, make me smile.

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2 responses

27 09 2010
tsr003

You will be fine. Things will come back to you and the things that you don’t remember I’m sure you’ll pick up quickly. You’re doubting yourself and worried about losing the “new you”. You’ll only lose it if you let it. I’m sure you’ll do fine. No worries my friend. I wish you the best of luck in your new job and hope to stop for a beer one of these Saturdays. Everything will be fine.

29 09 2010
katy

i am coming to the pub saturday night! i’ll get to see you in action after miles goes to bed. you can practice pouring me a perfect pint of something yummy and extra hoppy.

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