Different.

4 02 2011

Things are so different for me now…. A year and a half after I lost my FT job, I’m just realizing it.

I used to be so regimented. I did rugby work, at work (sorry) and then did it at home. I WAS ON TOP OF THINGS!!!! Even though I gave up most of my social life to do rugby work….

Now that I don’t have a day job and just work at My Living Room here & there? Rugby work is really last minute. At the end of my rope kind of thing… And I forget a lot of stuff I said I’d do… (Which, for big events, is when I do my best work. Truly.)

Not only do I have most days free, work some nights, and not have a big event… I fail….

It’s not just the job. It is the winter. And the recent sick… I’m always a running into a major fail in the winter. I hate winter. I need sun. The happiest I can remember being in the past ten years? This past summer, when I spent so much time in the sun.

Everything I’ve done since the middle of January for rugby has failed. FAIL.

Add that to lack of sun, missing my family and whatever else I encounter? I’m miserable, but lucky I’m strong of heart and soul and can make it to My Living Room and put on a smile.

Sometimes I show up, at My Living Room, not wanting to smile, not even knowing if I can. But, you know what? I always do. I ALWAYS DO. Someone always comes in and makes me smile like a crazy lady. I love it.

Something is different this time around, and I love My Living Room, especially the regulars – day and night – much more. They make me smile so much. And enjoy my time there.

The rugby players who don’t “get” the regulars? They’d never understand this. This makes me sad… There are good people at My Living Room, day in and day out…. And they make our world go ’round…

This weekend will be my first time working a Super Bowl Sunday NIGHT shift… I’m interested to see what happens, since I’ve always worked the day shift for the Super Bowl and gone home at half time….

Here’s hoping for happy.

Ruggers, please just accept the people who inhabit your ‘clubhouse’ the rest of the time, while they watch the game…

And Regulars, please just accept the rugby players. They aren’t there often.

Both, just be peaceful. Watch the game, cheer, and give HIGH FIVES!!

I love me many HIGH FIVES!!!!

Thank you, and goodnight.

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She rolled over!

11 10 2009

Today’s guest is my wonderful sister, Lili. What can I say? I love her. I also respect her, her opinion and her input. Truly. She has become one of my best friends in the world (which is amazing, considering the way we used to fight…). Lili and her husband, NE, gave me the incredible honor of being Little C’s godmother, the impact of which is something I think about before every decision I make lately.

When I asked Lili if she’d like to write a guest post, I didn’t think she’d accept, as I know she’s very busy taking care of Little C. She accepted and I told her she could write about anything… I’m honored that she found some time to write this for me, and given what she could have written about me, maybe I’m glad she didn’t have the time… (just kidding!)

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The first 6 weeks of my daughter’s life is kind of a blur.  From exhaustion from not sleeping well to getting a full body infection, things flew by so quickly.  I’m happy to have photos from those first couple weeks as a memory.  But wow, starting at 6 weeks, thing start to become vivid and the memories bring warm fuzzies to my heart It was around that time that she started smiling.  She didn’t really know she was doing it, but it was such a great reward for me, her mommy!  From that point on, the enjoyment of being a mom really set in and the joy and excitement of seeing my daughter progress day by day became greater.  Random smiles became intentional smiles.  Then the smiles became focused on faces, mine especially.  There is nothing better than your little baby smiling every time you come near!!

From smiles, things progressed to holding her head up for long periods of time to moving her arms and legs wildly when there is music playing.  I think we have a little dancer on our hands!  She then started pulling herself up so that her little shoulder blades are off the floor and her legs are off the floor too.  She has become what every woman wants to be.  The girl who has rock hard abs and can hold that crazy Pilates hold for several minutes!!  Finally, after weeks of pulling her feet up to her face and rolling over to the side, we kicked it up a notch and rolled over last week!!  I realize that it is only one way, from back to belly, but she did it!  She practiced and practiced and did it!  I was so, so proud of her when she finally got that arm out of the way and made it.  As a parent, I knew that I would always want the best for my daughter.  I wasn’t expecting the inner turmoil of being so proud and excited as she develops and grows and also being a little sad that my little baby is already growing up.  I guess this is something that all parents go through.  On the outside we are super happy and proud and on the inside, a bit of sorrow is creeping up from your little baby becoming a big girl.  I’m only 5 months in…

Ed. Note: Aunt AnnoyedAngel is incredibly proud of Little C for rolling over! And incredibly sad I can’t be there to see it for myself! Lili, you are a great mommy. And I know I’m supposed to spoil and you & NE are supposed to be the rules & regulations committee here, but when Little C is whatever age and mad at her mom, and comes to me, I will NOT hesitate to tell her what a great mommy you are.





The weight of the world…

22 11 2008

…is off my shoulders. Well, at least the weight of The Organization. And you know what? It feels totally freaking awesome. Some of them didn’t believe me when I declined. They thought I was joking. But I wasn’t. I needed to do this. I needed to LET GO.

For so long, I’ve had Organization stuff running through my head. At all times. Thinking about this. Worrying about that. And you know what? It’s made me nearly impossible to live with. I’ve been so ridiculously engrossed in this stuff that I have never calmed down. Rarely did I take time for myself.

But I let it go. And this afternoon something really cool happened. There was a new guy at My Living Room for the social. Never seen him before. He looked nice enough… But I didn’t go introduce myself. I didn’t get his name, phone number, email address. Why? Because I don’t have to anymore. I don’t have to worry about who the new people are. It was the greatest feeling in the world.

I was able to sit there and actually talk to a friend I haven’t seen in a while. Someone whose presence in my life is quite honestly a blessing. It was the greatest time in the world. I was able to joke around. Trade hats… LAUGH. Smile. Be goofy. RELAX. And look, there’s photos to prove it!

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When I received these pics and looked at myself, I realized I haven’t smiled like I am above in a picture in a long time. A really long time. And damn, does it feel good. (thanks to the person who took these pics)

It’s been a really shitty week. Honestly. I’m exhausted, fighting a headache that is trying to kill me and all kinds of other stuff… but “I’ve been waiting all week to feel this way. And it feels so good, so good, I’m on top of the world…” This used to be “my” song. My I’m ready for anything song. And the stress killed it. But tonight? Tonight, it’s the best song to express how I feel. I’m on top of the world folks. On top of the world!!!